Searching For Myself
by TheAnimeAmigos
Summary: Headcannon: Mathias is really passtionate about writing because of the famous Hans Christian Anderson, based upon this I present you with DenNor, a hint of angst and hopefully an interesting storyline with twists and a sprinkling of Sufin. Will deal with gender identity dysphoria, may be a sensitive issue for some.


**More apologies for lack of updates- hope to be making them more regular, at this point I will be working on this and a Kuroshitsuji/ Black** **Butler fic, enjoy:**

 **\- Em**

Long, silky and silver, that clutched her curves and frames her angled face, that could be my favourite feature. Then again, it's so easy to get lost in the deepness of those violet eyes that always looked down upon me. Her lips though, soft, pink and delicate. Her lips that would never kiss mine, not to mention the mysterious heart that would never beat with mine.

No. Too cheesy. Matthias crumpled up the paper and sent it off with its friends into the bin. That was just the 26th attempt today- it never sounded right. But then again, his English teacher, Mr Kirkland, never sounds right, especially when he hammered on about his America 'friend' who annoyed him with his modified English. These two reminded him of his older brother and 'friend' Berwald but the blonde was sure they had become way more than friends. It's was nice to watch his shy sibling open up, but now Tino hardly had any time for his cramming little brother. night school was slowly becoming overwhelming; it wouldn't stop him from getting better at writing though, Mathias was aiming to get published one day: to share fantastic tales of icy royalty and dark twisted magic. However, his current assignment didn't seem to be tailored to his style, the blonde struggled with the concept of love. It was deep contorted and unsure yet consuming and fascinating. Not for him. Time for attempt-

" 'Tias, you need to get out, you've been in there all weekend!"

"Tino I'm busy! Got to get this done!"

The door opened revealing the eldest sibling beaming, "Writers block?"

The youngest face saddened slightly, "It's due in a week and I've got nothing."

Tino came to stand in the light; his hair was neat as usual and his eyes held their happy twinkle but his jacket...his jacket was oversized and plain- not like the happy colours he would usually wear. Matthias gulped, it had to be Berwald's.

Tino continued to announce that he had five tickets to a fairground that was opening further in town, knowing what an adrenaline junkie Matthias was it was only logical for him to come along. Much to the horror of the younger sibling this trip required an early morning. Rising with the sun that looked down upon him and damaged his precious flesh with UV rays and aged his beautiful face years at a time. To munch upon a hearty home-cooked breakfast only to be too fatigued to truly taste each individual flavour. For his fantastical writers brain to be baked alive in the confined space of his skull...

"Tino I don't-"

"-You don't know how to contain yourself! I'm very happy too, I'll be ringing Berwald then!" His brother shut the door to skip down the stairs...well how bad could it be?

Not like his possible brother in law would force him into the kid friendly rides while sharing a tall vanilla ice with Tino, all while forcing Mathias to watch the twinkling in their eyes. Berwald seemed to be the square, blunt type, not one for talking but he cared... about Tino at least, but would he hurt his supposed lover's innocent puppy eyed little brother? Yes. No. Possible though.

Finally, Mathias rose from his spinning black chair and collected various papers from his cluttered desk. Ikea's finest, two drawers and a cupboard to the bottom left and a head board that supported paper cluttered shelves and a small wooden box. Square and made of varnished oak, it was engraved with a detailed forest scene of rabbits, rodents, foxes, birds and other animals that couldn't be seen due to a thick collection of dust. The boy considered it for a second; his hand contemplating to reach for the delicate clasp, the man however, was quick to hide the container with the papers in his hand. Then, it would be forgotten for a handful of time until for that's all snatching greedy hands could grab.

The blonde took his time to wonder over to his bed and relax each muscle from head to toe and let his thoughts rest for a moment. In a snapshot the colours, characters and the stories he saw so vividly paused leaving him, Mathias, alone. A sharp inhale and a slow exhale trapped him in the state of nothingness he so desired, today would be a hassle and a buzz, maybe the blonde boy would being inspired by the frilling loop of a rollercoaster or gain a burst of realisation on a ghost train. 'Tias would have to wait for then.


End file.
